I Never Signed Up to Be an Advice Columnist, but an Army of Ancient Rattling Skeletons Has Pushed Me to the Brink

Luis Martínez-Fernández
Fri, 21 Apr 2023 21:00:00 -0700
Opinion

Last month, when I wrote a two-part column on spam, I had intended to write on other electronic forms of intrusion including social media posts but got distracted — perhaps because I got busy deleting my own accumulated spam.

Since then, the onslaught of junk clogging my email (inbox and junk box) and appearing on my social media has become increasingly indomitable. It feels as if I were Jason (of the 1963 film "Jason and the Argonauts") sword-fighting an army of skeletons: I knock one down and three more come out after me. At the end of the scene (you can watch it on YouTube), Jason is forced to jump onto a precipice.

Yes, modern-day, electronic sword-wielding skeletons are pushing many of us to the brink.
Updated: Sat Apr 22, 2023

Last month, when I wrote a two-part column on spam, I had intended to write on other electronic forms of intrusion including social media posts but got distracted — perhaps because I got busy deleting my own accumulated spam.

Since then, the onslaught of junk clogging my email (inbox and junk box) and appearing on my social media has become increasingly indomitable. It feels as if I were Jason (of the 1963 film "Jason and the Argonauts") sword-fighting an army of skeletons: I knock one down and three more come out after me. At the end of the scene (you can watch it on YouTube), Jason is forced to jump onto a precipice.

Yes, modern-day, electronic sword-wielding skeletons are pushing many of us to the brink.

IT WILL ONLY TAKE TWO MINUTES...

Some of these fighting skeletons are of the survey variety. All of us get them, from places where we take our business, from businesses that we don't have business with and from anyone (human or bot) with a phone number or email account.

This week I had a haircut at a new barbershop, and within a few minutes I received a friendly text: "Thank you for visiting us," yada, yada, yada. "Would you kindly take a minute to rate our service from one to five?" I typed "five," out of courtesy (to the machine) and thought that to be the end of it. But alas, I immediately got a link, which sent me into and through an obnoxious rabbit hole. That is just one example from among the barrage of surveys requests I get at the rate of two or three per week.

My advice: declare a moratorium on surveys, from the auto shop ("Please rate your oil change experience") and even from your workplace ("Are you satisfied with your computer's repair?").

INITIATIVE OVERLOAD

A few weeks ago, I was complaining to a colleague about the cresting wave of workplace emails. "Have you noticed the increasing number of requests we are getting to do additional work to comply with someone else's ideas?" "Yes, I have noticed," she replied. "There is a word for that. It's called 'initiative overload.'"

In any large bureaucracy, including universities, there are hosts of skeleton deployers whose primary tasks are to come up with ideas. Nothing wrong with that, except for the fact that in too many cases, they require someone else to do the work. Such initiatives demand precious time, but no one suggests what regular tasks one is allowed to forgo to comply with them.

This email requires me to fill out a form; the next has a link to a training video someone thought my colleagues and I must watch (and right away); the email after that demands that I input information and upload several documents — tasks that until recently were handled by clerical staff.

But clerical staff are being let go, and more and more businesses and organizations are outsourcing human resources functions and other types of clerical work. Have you seen the TV ad of a particular HR company trying to sell its services? It sends the odd message that employees should embrace the new service, fill out their HR forms and input their work hours because that is the only guarantee that they will get their paychecks.

A few weeks ago, I was invited to participate in someone else's initiative. It sounded worthwhile, so I agreed. But this week I received a follow-up email that required me to fill out an online form that was several pages long. My objection was that most of the required information was readily available on the internet and that the initiative generators should do the legwork instead of me. I refused to fill out the form and somehow it got filled out.

My advice: declare a partial moratorium on other people's initiatives that require you to do more work. Learn to ignore senseless requests and practice the art of saying no.

This week, go ahead, take out your Jasonian sword and slay a skeleton or two — no guarantee that they will go away.

Luis Martinez-Fernandez is the author of "When the World Turned Upside Down: Politics, Culture, and the Unimaginable Evenest of 2019-2022," a collection of his syndicated columns. To find out more about Luis Martinez-Fernandez and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www. creators.com.