Looking for a New Year's Resolution? Exorcise the Spirit of Ghosting

Yonason Goldson
Mon, 29 Dec 2025 23:00:00 -0800
Lifestyle

This has happened to you.

It happened after a business meeting — perhaps several — that culminated in an agreement to move forward. It happened after a date, or series of dates, followed by a promise to meet again.

And then ... crickets. You've been "ghosted."
Updated: Tue Dec 30, 2025

This has happened to you.

It happened after a business meeting — perhaps several — that culminated in an agreement to move forward. It happened after a date, or series of dates, followed by a promise to meet again.

And then ... crickets. You've been "ghosted."

It's infuriating, isn't it? When did it become acceptable for people to be so thoughtless, selfish and insensitive? You struggle to give the benefit of the doubt. Maybe their service provider crashed. Maybe their mother died. Maybe their boss sent them on an emergency trip to the Australian outback.

But the longer the silence, the harder it is to escape the inevitable conclusion: they don't want to follow up and they lack the courage, courtesy and civility to simply tell you so. You end up wasting a disproportionate amount of time on follow-up messages as you fulminate over the death of human decency.

In the workplace, ghosting poisons relationships and turns environments toxic. Socially, it makes us cynical and undermines trust. The more common it becomes, the more reason we find to assume the worst about others and expect less from ourselves.

How do otherwise responsible and socially adept individuals rationalize ghosting? The answer can be found in this week's addition to the Ethical Lexicon:

Benign neglect

Well-intentioned noninterference in hope that a situation or problem will resolve itself.

When facing awkward interactions, our own insecurity and lack of confidence convince us that inaction is the lesser evil. The business meeting appeared promising at the start, which makes it harder to explain why we don't want to pursue the proposal. Dinner and drinks were pleasant, but we didn't feel a romantic spark to make us want a second or third date. Whatever the scenario, we calculate sparing the other person the pain of rejection by avoiding an uncomfortable conversation to be the greater good. It's perfectly sound thinking ... for an adolescent.

But we are adults, with the experience and maturity to know that silence inflicts unnecessary pain by adding insult to injury. The inconvenient truth is that we're far more worried about causing ourselves discomfort than we are about hurting someone else.

What's doubly sad is that ghosting is so easy to fix. It merely requires summoning the empathy to put ourselves in someone else's place by pondering, "How would I want someone else to treat me?"

Therefore, if you don't want to be part of the problem, become part of the solution. When you need to deliver bad news, do it with courtesy and sensitivity:

— "Thanks for your proposal. I'm not able to act on this, but I'm certain you can find who will be interested."

— "I enjoyed our time together, but I don't see this going far and I don't want to waste your time. I wish you all the best!"

— "I appreciate you reaching out, but I'm overscheduled and can't take on any more commitments."

Ghosting is bad, but correspondence lacking respect and consideration is little better. Here are a few simple rules to follow:

— Respond to emails and calls within 24 hours. Within two hours is best practice.

— If you need time to frame a proper reply, just say so: "Swamped. I'll get back to you ASAP."

— Never, never, never deliver bad news by text. Phone is better. Face-to-face is best.

Since not everyone will read this, you will find yourself the victim of ghosting. When that happens, cut your losses and move on. After all, do you really want to engage with people so lacking in social grace? Nevertheless, remain polite and professional, avoiding nastiness or sarcasm to avoid burning bridges. Occasionally, there is a legitimate excuse for silence.

But for yourself, remember that neglect is rarely benign. Simple, clear communication takes little time and less effort. You'll earn goodwill by respecting the dignity of others, which may pay off down the line. Most of all, you preserve your own humanity by treating people the way you want to be treated yourself.

Can you think of a better way to start the New Year?

See more by Yonason Goldson and features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists; visit the Creators Syndicate webpage at www.creators.com.

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