Wife Staying With Cheating Husband for Sake of Son

Martin and Josie Brown
Sat, 29 Mar 2014 21:00:00 -0700
Lifestyle

Dear John: I just recently found out that my husband had two sexual encounters with a co-worker and was planning a third. The last encounter was eight months ago. The first encounter was after the birth of our first son. He was planning his third encounter as I was recovering from a miscarriage. We have only been married for two years, and he cheated on me while we were dating. He swears it is only sex, and it doesn't mean anything. What am I to believe? Should I try to save my marriage just because we have a child together? — At the Door's Edge, in Memphis, Tenn.

Dear Door's Edge: Your husband's behavior — both before and after your marriage — indicates that he is questioning his decision to marry and perhaps to have started a family. What he did was hurtful, thoughtless and inexcusable: Whatever his concerns may be, his behavior has sabotaged the marriage and your trust in him.

You cannot have a happy marriage without trust. Of course, you can cut your losses now and leave him. Or, you can ask him to help you regain your trust by working with you and a marriage counselor on these issues. I hope you give him this one last chance to salvage your marriage, and that he takes you up on it. However, if he cannot be faithful, it is better you know now so that you and your son can get on with your lives.
Updated: Sun Mar 30, 2014

Dear John: I just recently found out that my husband had two sexual encounters with a co-worker and was planning a third. The last encounter was eight months ago. The first encounter was after the birth of our first son. He was planning his third encounter as I was recovering from a miscarriage. We have only been married for two years, and he cheated on me while we were dating. He swears it is only sex, and it doesn't mean anything. What am I to believe? Should I try to save my marriage just because we have a child together? — At the Door's Edge, in Memphis, Tenn.

Dear Door's Edge: Your husband's behavior — both before and after your marriage — indicates that he is questioning his decision to marry and perhaps to have started a family. What he did was hurtful, thoughtless and inexcusable: Whatever his concerns may be, his behavior has sabotaged the marriage and your trust in him.

You cannot have a happy marriage without trust. Of course, you can cut your losses now and leave him. Or, you can ask him to help you regain your trust by working with you and a marriage counselor on these issues. I hope you give him this one last chance to salvage your marriage, and that he takes you up on it. However, if he cannot be faithful, it is better you know now so that you and your son can get on with your lives.

Dear John: I am a married woman who is attracted to a man married to someone else. This man knows it but says, "We'd both have a lot to lose ... but it would be nice." What does he mean by this? — Thinking of Him, in Las Cruces, N.M.

Dear Wistful: That is his way of saying, as much as he is flattered and appreciates your mutual attraction, he does not want to be the reason for the breakup of your marriage. He's a smart guy to pass on the opportunity.

You'd be smart to pass, too. Why? Because once you cross the line into infidelity, you break a trust that may never fully be restored, as many readers of this column — both men and women — can tell you through their own experiences. Instead, please try your best to reconnect with your husband. If this fails, then both of you can move on with your heads held high knowing that you gave your best efforts to save your marriage.